Catching My Breath

Hello, readers! Hopefully you are still following my random musings, though they have been few in number over the last few months. I am long overdue on a great many of updates. The main reason for this has been recent changes at work. I have briefly mentioned things here and there, but I thought I would spend an entry expanding on the whole shebang so that you get the full picture. It's quite long, and boring, so feel free to skip right over this entry. But it does give a looksie into the past few months.

Most of you know where I work. I love my job... I love working with the students. But my job hasn't been without its frustrations. Every time I thought about applying for another job, I would think of telling the students and I couldn't go through with it. 

However, a few months ago (namely October/November), I ramped up my job search and was looking to move out of state. There were a few jobs that interested me at universities in Atlanta and New York. I started the painstaking process of updating my resume... I told my mom that I was going to apply for jobs and that none were in Texas. 

And then it all changed. My director (who only assumed the role of director in January 2011 after our director retired) announced he was leaving in early November and his last day would be November 18. It was as time stood still when he told me. Now, don't get me wrong... he is one of my close friends. We were friends and co-workers for years before he became my director. And while I was sad that he was leaving, I couldn't help but think selfishly and wonder what that would mean for me. This was also occurring in conjunction with the start of scholarship season, December 1... so not only was I wondering about my role, but I was also worried about all the changes that would take place during our busiest time. And that thinking continued for weeks as we were kept in the dark with what was happening. I heard rumors and rumblings, but no hard facts.

The meeting request finally came... "Scholarship Department Changes"... no hints as to what would be discussed. I was called in a few minutes before the meeting, and things were spelled out to me. I appreciated the heads up, and I was okay with what my role would be. Basically, our department would be split. They were bringing in our development officer who was an employee of UT to be the VP of our program and development. They were also going to hire someone to be the director. Meanwhile, I (along with my co-worker) would report to our COO and continue my normal duties, in addition to being a "dotted line" to our big scholarship program. Essentially I had two bosses. 

That became extremely difficult to navigate. When I was in meetings with one boss, the other wanted to meet with me. It didn't help that they didn't exactly get along. December quickly approached, and I was slammed. When you're the only person who knows anything about scholarships, every thing falls on you. Now, now... you may be thinking, "But wait, don't you have a co-worker, a fellow coordinator?" That bitch was useless (continue reading later for more info).

The first few weeks of this change left me frustrated with co-workers. Nobody knew what was going on in our meetings, and they just assumed things. Many of them expressed how mad they were that I was passed over for a role. I finally snapped at some of them and told them that I was happy with the change - that what the VP and director were doing is not what I wanted to be doing. I was given the exact things that I excel at, and love, and for that, I was absolutely happy with my role.

Mid-January, my work world changed again. Our COO, so my main boss, announced he was leaving. Again, I was left wondering what was going to happen. Luckily, the decision was made quickly - my second boss would be my main boss and she would be the VP of Scholarships and Development, and we would be a department again.

Which meant that bitch of a co-worker would be part of our group again. But not for long!! Let me back up... why do I hate her, you ask? She was hired late November 2010. Her first week of work, she sent individual boxes of cookies to everyone in our department, INCLUDING HERSELF. How did I know they were from her? Well, because I had the receptionist pull the receipt out of the trash to see if it said who they were from, and sure enough, her name was listed. Not bad except that she SENT A BOX TO HERSELF and then acted surprised and kept saying, "This is so nice. Does this happen a lot?" From then on, I referred to her as Cookie Monster. But that's not why I hated her. She sucked at work... was a complete bitch... we argued every day... she actually had the audacity to think she would become my manager (idiot)... she spent more time during the work week out of office doing personal things than she did work... spent all day on her cell phone or sending personal emails... like I said, she sucked. But then she was fired a few weeks ago. And it was glorious... and long overdue. Buh bye, bitch. Good riddance!

But that of course meant I would take on her work, in addition to doing my normal work, with the added responsibilities that my former director did, topped off by new duties I was given. The day after Cookie Monster was let go, I was given a promotion - Associate Director of Scholarships. All of a sudden, the two things that I wanted to happen sometime during 2012 happened in less than 24 hours, 19 days into the year. 

Unfortunately, there was no time for celebrations. Being the only person who has any inkling as to what the eff is going on has become stressful. At one point, I closed the door of my cubby hole and had a mini-anxiety attack. I have worked all hours of the day... coming in early, leaving late, working on Saturdays and Sundays. From the time we got back from holiday break on January 3 to the time I officially took vacation on February 8, I worked 37 straight days. Days were over 12+ hours during the week, and another 5+ hours every Saturday and Sunday. 

I hated myself those 37 days. I had no time to think about what was going on in my life. My dog was ignored, which I am still pissed about... no wonder he bit a hole through my finger. I haven't been to the grocery store since early December. My Christmas presents are still sitting in boxes on the counters. I took clothes out of my dresser to organize and never put them back, leaving them strewn around my room. I worked right through doctor and hair appointments without realizing I had any appointments. My car looks like I live in it - blankets, clothes, shoes, my mail, trash... it's gross.

This weekend I made the conscious decision not to do any work, despite the pile of scholarship applications sitting on my living room floor, staring at me to finish organizing them. I was in need of a break. I finally cleaned my apartment (almost all of it, anyways). And I just hung out on my couch, catching up on t.v. shows that have been on my DVR since November. I met up with my mom earlier today to get Presley, and he's been snuggled on my lap all day. Next weekend, I also made a conscious decision to not go to a work event and treat myself to some fun in Dallas with friends. I'm trying to find a work-life balance without feeling guilty. And it's a struggle.

Phew... if you followed all that, congrats! I'm hoping this gives some insight into how the past few months have been for me.