Sudden Changes

I am long overdue for an update of my 52 New Things and other random blog entries I had planned. But in the past couple of weeks, there was a sudden change in my life.

I try to avoid talking about work on my blog, but I'm going to make an exception for this. Three weeks ago to this date/day (whatever the correct phrase is... my mind is mush), my director announced he was leaving. It came as a big shock... had he told me this a year or even months ago, it wouldn't have been such a surprise. With our new scholarship program only months old and a looming scholarship deadline, it became a "holy shit" moment.

Our new executive director was planning changes to the department, and I waited patiently to hear my fate. I knew that I would not be taking my director's spot, as for months there were rumblings that our department would split. All I was waiting to hear was how much I would be involved with the students, which is the part of my job that I 100% love.

On Wednesday (a week ago), we finally heard the news. A new position was created to oversee our new scholarship program. This position is focused on fundraising and strategic planning. I have been assigned to assist that program with the application process and student programming. In addition, I carry on my normal job duties along with the management of day-to-day scholarship business under a new boss. As it stands, though I have one main boss, I report to two people. So that will be a bit tricky. 

A lot of people at work were mad when the announcement came. I think a lot of people think I was passed over for a promotion. I, however, was pleased. Was it the most ideal outcome? No. Could it have been worse? Yes. The new position that was created is nothing that I would ever be interested in doing. My love for my job stems from working with the students, and that is what I am still getting to do. 

This being the first week of the new change resulted in a mini anxiety attack in my cubicle on Monday afternoon, which then carried over to my drive home from work... hence my tweet about the obscene number of obscenities that were yelled. I created a timeline of all the scholarship deadlines, when applications need to be sent in and out and everything that I will need to do from December 1 to June 1. And it's not pretty. Between that and realizing that my new bosses don't really know all the ins and outs of the scholarship process and my coworker is... um... yeah... left me feeling anxious. I'm going to be pushing myself to the limits this year. And while I accept a challenge and am grateful for the confidence my bosses have in me to get the work done, I can't help but wonder how I'm going to manage it all.

This sudden change also puts a lot of pressure on me. We had a surprise dinner for my director before he left with all the scholars. Throughout dinner, the scholars were saying to me, "You better not leave us!" and "You aren't going anywhere... you can't leave!" As volunteers found out the news, they were also telling me I can't leave. And then on Friday there was a surprise dinner with my former bosses, and the pressure again mounted when they reminded me that I'm the only one that has any knowledge of the scholarship process... that I'm carrying the program into the future.

I don't want to let anyone down. I don't want to let the scholarship program down. I'm not worried about not doing a good job. I don't mean to sound like an a-hole with a big ego, but I'm extremely good at what I do and I know everything about my job. That's not where I'm feeling the pressure. I'm feeling the pressure in the sense that I feel I can't explore any other options for my future at this time. Now now... first off, I'm not currently exploring any other options. And I know that I CAN at any moment. It's just that right now, I'm the one person that knows what needs to be done and how it should be done. I care too much about the students, the volunteers and the program as a whole to leave it when nobody else has a clue what to do. For any coworkers that are reading this - again, I AM NOT CURRENTLY EXPLORING OTHER OPTIONS.

So yeah. That's currently my life right now. Next week, December 1, is the scholarship deadline and my work life will suddenly pick up to a pace that I'm hoping to keep up with. The upside - maybe I will be too busy to eat and will subsequently lose weight! Yes...?