December 4: Wonder
How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year?
(Author: Jeffrey Davis)
*****
I'm pretty sure most people know that I'm a cautious person. In a given situation, I think too much and don't just act on a feeling. Then, the moment passes and I'm left wondering "what if." This year I decided to take some chances and limit those what if doubts.
I wasn't always successful in this endeavor. There were still times that I walked away thinking "hrm, I wonder what would have happened if I had said or done something..."
And then there was one time that I committed 100% to the moment. It was an interesting feeling - one that I had never experienced before. I realized that it's not so bad just living in the moment and letting myself do and say whatever it is that I want. Don't get me wrong - it wasn't easy at first. I do vividly remember at one point thinking *facepalm* while silently shouting to myself "what did you just say?!"
But I'm glad that I took the chance. It opened me up to a whole new experience. There was definitely not a "what if" doubt in my mind afterward.
I wasn't always successful in this endeavor. There were still times that I walked away thinking "hrm, I wonder what would have happened if I had said or done something..."
And then there was one time that I committed 100% to the moment. It was an interesting feeling - one that I had never experienced before. I realized that it's not so bad just living in the moment and letting myself do and say whatever it is that I want. Don't get me wrong - it wasn't easy at first. I do vividly remember at one point thinking *facepalm* while silently shouting to myself "what did you just say?!"
But I'm glad that I took the chance. It opened me up to a whole new experience. There was definitely not a "what if" doubt in my mind afterward.
*****
**Edit: because Terri asked if I could tell more about my non-what if moment...
First, I must put a disclaimer up: not all of my what if moments this year (or any year) involve interactions with guys. I'm not the type of girl whose life revolves around guys. However, this year I decided that I don't really take any chances when it comes to them, leading to many what ifs. So as it happens, today's entry is about guys.
This summer I met a boy. He was cute, funny, smart, witty. Like me, he majored in English. In true nerd fashion, we talked about our grammar pet peeves. There was teasing, flirting, drinking, dancing (at first, me with someone else). I still remember looking up from the dance floor and seeing him standing at the bar watching me dance with another guy. In my mind, I thought maybe he was looking at me, maybe wishing he was the one dancing with me. But my lack of self-confidence quickly pushed that thought out of my mind. More flirting and drinking...and then I did it. I vividly remember thinking that I had to ask him soon or I was going to run out of time. I put my hand in his and said "dance with me." I couldn't believe I said that (and no, this is not the facepalm moment from earlier). I know it wasn't an earth shattering statement, but I'm a pretty shy person. And for me, it was the first time that I can ever remember being so bold/forward. But he said yes. And we danced. And I thought maybe I felt something more going on, but again - lack of self-confidence ended that thought. Until he said he wanted to kiss me. And then enter my *facepalm*, "what did you just say?!" moment. I won't go into detail (but there was a kiss...).
Like I said, the whole experience was new to me. It was a chance encounter that easily could have been another what if moment. But it wasn't. In fact, it might have been one the highlights of the year. And not because of the boy...but because it showed me I can take chances, that I don't always have to wonder what if, that I'm in control of those moments.
First, I must put a disclaimer up: not all of my what if moments this year (or any year) involve interactions with guys. I'm not the type of girl whose life revolves around guys. However, this year I decided that I don't really take any chances when it comes to them, leading to many what ifs. So as it happens, today's entry is about guys.
This summer I met a boy. He was cute, funny, smart, witty. Like me, he majored in English. In true nerd fashion, we talked about our grammar pet peeves. There was teasing, flirting, drinking, dancing (at first, me with someone else). I still remember looking up from the dance floor and seeing him standing at the bar watching me dance with another guy. In my mind, I thought maybe he was looking at me, maybe wishing he was the one dancing with me. But my lack of self-confidence quickly pushed that thought out of my mind. More flirting and drinking...and then I did it. I vividly remember thinking that I had to ask him soon or I was going to run out of time. I put my hand in his and said "dance with me." I couldn't believe I said that (and no, this is not the facepalm moment from earlier). I know it wasn't an earth shattering statement, but I'm a pretty shy person. And for me, it was the first time that I can ever remember being so bold/forward. But he said yes. And we danced. And I thought maybe I felt something more going on, but again - lack of self-confidence ended that thought. Until he said he wanted to kiss me. And then enter my *facepalm*, "what did you just say?!" moment. I won't go into detail (but there was a kiss...).
Like I said, the whole experience was new to me. It was a chance encounter that easily could have been another what if moment. But it wasn't. In fact, it might have been one the highlights of the year. And not because of the boy...but because it showed me I can take chances, that I don't always have to wonder what if, that I'm in control of those moments.
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